its been a while
For the first time in long time I’ve thought about what it means to be human. To experience the heart wrenching pain of loss but also experience the other end of the spectrum. While I realize that lately all I’ve experienced is loss it has reminded me that I am human. It’s also reminded me that I miss experiencing the other end of the spectrum but even the shadows of pain only remind me that the light of joy has to be near.
The fluttering snowflakes are pieces of stars
if you reach out to the skies
You can feel wishes come and go
all caught in a monochrome
My white breath spills out softly
in the shape of the worlds I wanted to say
But with just your warmth
the sky became a little brighter
Wings drenched in sadness
pile up toward pure white
The gentle courage opened the way to our future
My heart is waiting for the dawn
of the world without death
That morning, I’ll depart
to call down the light
As we go on our separate paths
if we never meet again
the tears of the galaxy that brings us light
will keep us connected
Like dust, the falling stars
gently caress my chest
In the remnants of a silent dream
all is still in a monochrome.
one to one
I’m not what i used to be. In a way I’m a mere husk of my former self…but it’s ok I’ve gained strength by changing but I’ve also made the weaknesses more vulnerable and I’ve gained a weakness that in a way proves my humanity. Sorrow makes a larger impact on me than it used to after the many events that transpired in the past year but the few times joy has granted it’s serene presence upon me it has shown me that even among the storm one can still smile. That even when it feels like the very ground beneath you is giving way and the stars you once looked at with so much hope begin to fall there is still a lifeline, there is still a way, there is still hope. It’s funny that I speak of hope when I lost sight of it so many times and even as i write this now i still feel a lingering sense of hopelessness tugging at the very fabric of my heart and soul.
Even that is okay though I’ll live. Something I realized just a short while ago while talking to an old friend is that even though things may not always go your way it’s important to be strong if not for yourself, for others that you care about.
Another thing I realized from this talk is that my ambition is for the sake of others. I realized that I want to make people smile. I want to be able to give people a reason to smile and that I’d gladly disregard the way I feel at that moment to do what it takes to see a smile amidst all the seriousness and the sorrow I see all the time.
One day everything will finish falling into place but as of now only tiny fragments begin to fill the puzzle of my life.
Be yourself and let no one run your life
your life is what you want it to be.
Shaped by failure and pain but also by joy and success.
The end is the end the beginning the start.
let your past subside it’ll never be erased.
Let it shape you in a positive way.
Take the experience to heart and transform the pain into your fuel.
The fuel to live the fuel to grow the fuel to achieve your dreams.
Believe in yourself your greater than you think.
The best is yet to come your struggle will pay off.
Nobody is the same so don’t compare yourself to anybody.
Be the best that you can be because not even the sky can be your limit.
Oh man are you serious this is my second slow day in a row. This is ridiculous. When is my slump going to end. People are like impossible to find now everyone is like it’s too hot or im not home grr.
So i refuse to cheat in this game but i’ve pointed at everything and nothing! Trauma team you have bested me for now but I will succeed!!! no but on a serious note…Final Fantasy is doing the same thing to me. NORMAL BATTLES SHOULD NOT BE MINIBOSSES ALL THE FREAKIN TIME!!!!!!!!! FUCK IT! I’LL BEAT IT TOMMOROW AND THEN LAUGH IN ITS FACE!
I know I’m not the best person out there. I’m considered rude and an asshole. I have issues trusting people and if you’ve earned my friendship and trust congrats because it means you can put up with me and I’m told it’s hard to do so. I’ve grown to not like a lot of people over time but also over time I’ve grown to like a few people more. I’ve grown over time physically, mentally, and emotionally. All the events that have happened over time have taught me so much and while at times I’ve wanted to quit so bad i never have but not because i had the willpower but because i had the support which is something i never expected. It was from people who at the start of my high school career i didn’t even know and even if i did know them i would never have expected to become friends with them. I owe them a lot but i know I’ll never really be able to repay all the kindness and support they have given me.
I’m not a positive person but I no longer have the option to say I can’t do something because now I have to wake up, my future is ahead of me and all I have to do is take the first steps and grasp it. I won’t be a success for myself I’m going to do it for those who have pushed me to not be a failure and for those who help me in the future.
You people know who you are at least i hope you do and you have my eternal love and gratitude no matter what may happen along the way